What if the story you’ve been telling your heart isn’t accurate? What if the truth is actually much worse then you remember?

Healing has taught me that trauma is more true than we realize, especially when we are talking of our own. Trauma occurs when your mind, heart and soul can’t process the cruelty of another. In short, you were too good to understand their cruelty, it’ll never make sense to you. Yet, how quickly others come along to claim that the trauma just needs healing. Does healing make you comprehend how someone could behave like that? No, of course not. Because again goodness can’t justify evil. Instead healing trauma is a process of bringing truth to the pain, validating that what happened was truly cruel and that the goodness inside you never deserved their cruelty.

Healing trauma is a process of bringing truth to the pain, validating that what happened was truly cruel and that the goodness inside you never deserved their cruelty.

I’ve learned that those who truly can love you are those who validate the pain and in turn create the environment for healing your heart needs. They enable you to see it, give you the strength to face it and in a way they free you, then hand you the keys so you can heal it. They are the friendships that fortify what life is left inside you, they create moments to reset your nervous systems and rewrite memories to tell your soul, that you’re safe. It’s with them that you can breathe again, and it may feel like the first breath you’ve taken in years.

Then there are others, who couldn’t validate what they couldn’t believe existed purely because to believe it they had to face the pain within their own heart, a pain which they’ve suppressed for years. They also would have had to face the conviction that they left you there, they watched your pain and they let you suffer. They never took the time to explore your pain with you, or validate your heart’s wounds, they never truly stopped to listen to the pain talk, instead they just stepped in claiming it was a mess and needed to “heal”. They negated your pain yet demanded you “heal”. This is an absolute insult to healing at its core.

Healing is the art of the father and therefore requires a revelation of truth.

Heaven was never afraid of your pain or the depths of your wounds but I assure you, people have been. Those are not people who can join you in your healing because unless they heal as well, they will always return to the prison of their own pain. They can’t lead you to the “healing” they claim because they have not experienced it for themselves. They are not in your story to run beside you-some souls choose to stay in the chapter of your life where your wounding occurred because it’s where they feel the most at home with their own wounds. It’s important to let them stay there.

Healing is it’s own promotion.

You’re so much braver than them. Trauma has taught me that sometimes what we survive is actually much worse than we remember. Read that again. Sometimes what we survive is much worse than we remember. It took me awhile to realize that for years I unintentionally protected those that weren’t willing or capable of protecting me. In turn, those who are uncomfortable with your pain will always undercut it’s depth. Healing isn’t about letting it go, healing is about seeing the pain in its deepest, truest form. And when you do, you realize, the trauma wasn’t what you thought, it was much worse. And some of the people who stood beside you, weren’t really good at all. When you are honest with yourself you realize that some of the souls who claimed to love you, were the most comfortable with your suffering. Listen, as your soul begs to ask why? “Why in all of your pain would those who stood beside you still make you fight through them to heal?” Listen, because your soul can feel who is cheering for your healing and who isn’t. Your soul is rarely wrong.

Letting go heals nothing unless it is a by product of a revelation of truth.

The reality is, when you learn the truth of the trauma that consumed your heart and how some of those around you responded, you desire to let go. Only when you discover the truth of the depth of your pain then can you see the truth of the hearts beside you in it. To let go without that truth is to never free your soul from the pain it experienced. Unfortunately, people aren’t always good. But the truth of the traumas we face bring freedom. However, the only thing harder than facing the trauma itself is being able to unapologetically look at the hearts of those around you as you went through it. Don’t bring those who made you fight harder to heal into the promised land ahead of you.

Let them go. Your healed self deserves freedom, from the trauma and from those who were far too comfortable with your suffering.