When the Heart Bleeds

The days that you thought were dark turned out to be much lighter than you thought at the time simply because that was nothing compared to now…. somehow you’ve reached this point where you begin to just surrender.

Every time you think the light is about to come the sky managed to darken and at some place in this process you gave up so much hope, you really aren’t sure how many ounces are left or if hope is even there at all.

Some days you see it like a flicker in the sky then the next it’s faded, and feels like you lost it to an entirely different universe. Why can’t it grow? Why can’t it stay? And if it keeps leaving you? Why do you keep trusting it?

I’ve come to realize the heart bleeds the most when no one sees, it bleeds when they refuse to hear, it bleeds when you speak but no one hears you, you scream but no one listens. The heart bleeds most when it feels alone.

I’ve come to realize the heart bleeds the most when no one sees, it bleeds when they refuse to hear, it bleeds when you speak but no one hears you, you scream but no one listens. The heart bleeds most when it feels alone.

Not sure how it works but I’ve found it to be very true. And it’s not that it’s the presence of people that gives the bleeding reprieve, it’s rather the intimacy of being loved.

Being known is not enough, in reality sometimes it’s being known that causes the greatest pain. Being known enables exposure of your heart’s deepest threads and then when those parts of you that were known are not loved the damage is magnified.

Sometimes it would’ve been better to have never been known. To become known by another you are required to trust, you must choose to be vulnerable with the desire to have those deepest spaces of your soul reached. The objective of being known is ultimately to experience love. No one craves being known only to be misunderstood. We crave it because we want to know that even the depths of our soul is worthy of love.

We want to know that even the depths of our soul is worthy of love.

When we don’t receive it, our brains try to explain the lack of love from others as a justifiable action, as an action that they have a right to make. So we reason it out and begin the journey of silencing our souls.

We were once loud with our emotions but now, they whisper. Why yell when no one chooses to hear you anyways? We are conditioned to believe that our voice was creating an inconvenience or an added pressure and because we don’t want our pain to create weight we pretend it’s quieted, calmed, or not even there. But even deeper, we stay quiet because feeling unworthy by people’s lack of action is just too hard and too bitter. So we stop talking, because in their convenience they’ve chosen not to listen simply too many times for your heart to bear it one more.

But even deeper, we stay quiet because feeling unworthy by people’s lack of action is just too hard and too bitter.

The darkness becomes a comfort and light begins to be harsh. You dislike happy simply because it’s foreign. It’s something that seems so far from you so you again you let it go.

Survival they call it. They aren’t wrong. It’s that moment when you do what it takes to make it to the next moment. It’s not about tomorrow or next year. It’s about making it to an hour from now. It’s survival.

If it means that you numb the pain, then you do, and you use whatever you need to because all you know is that you need to make it, make it through the darkness, to the next moment of darkness.

You seem to always ensure it’ll show up. Somehow you’ve begun to treat it as a friend. Again that’s true survival. It’s so much better to call it your friend then to live in the consciousness of constantly telling yourself that you are trapped by your fears. It’s perspective shift-survival version. You have come to believe it won’t change and since that’s where your heart lives now you’ve adjusted. You’ve taken the darkness and have begun to create a home within the pain. This is where the heart feels the safest because you know if you’re bleeding and if you stay here you can’t slip much lower. Here you won’t be let down.

You have begun to create a home within the pain. This is where your heart feels the safest because you know if you’re bleeding and if you stay here you can’t slip much lower. Here you won’t be let down.

Then there are those rare souls who find a way to stay by your soul long enough. They wait outside the doors of the pain to be let in. They stand there, endlessly and wait. We test them and we try them, we reject them and see if they come back. Just because, well because that’s been our history. People hurt and these ones must too right?

So we fight. We fight them and we convince our souls that they aren’t real….they can’t be. And if they are we tell ourselves they won’t last, they won’t survive.

No one can handle the darkness that we live in so why would they stay, after all, the darkness isn’t theirs it’s yours right?

It’s not. It’s darkness. It’s heaviness. It’s deep. It’s real and it’s a war. And it’s not yours. You don’t own the darkness that surrounds you. Its separate from you. You aren’t the darkness, but it’s at war with you. With everything you are. Sometimes the wars get so dark, they are the ones we make history from, big wars, great wars, those wars.

There’s only a few who can handle those wars. The history making, blood shedding, demon killing, destiny releasing, generation changing kind of wars.

There’s only a few who can handle those wars. The history making, blood shedding, demon killing, destiny releasing, generation changing kind of wars. And those few are the ones we have to find. Those are the ones who will keep our soul alive when no one else can.

The ones who will hear you when you aren’t even speaking.

The ones who will comfort you before you’ve acknowledged you’re wounded.

The ones who will stand with you in the darkness willingly simply so you know you aren’t alone.

The ones who will seek to know all of you then seek to love you regardless how dark it gets because they know that when a heart bleeds only love can win.

They know the way to stop the bleeding is to speak to your soul and validate it’s pain.

They know that the way to save you is to first see you, regardless how dark it is.

They know that the way to help you is to stay with you. See these hearts are different… in their presence they rescue you, because they have figured out the only way to truly love you is to just be strong enough to stand in the darkness beside you.

And love doesn’t back out of war when it’s too heavy, too dark or too strong. Love presses in, it finds the deepest darkest secrets and it whispers truth until the whole story becomes alive again.

And love doesn’t back out of war when it’s too heavy, too dark or too strong. Love presses in, it finds the deepest darkest secrets and it whispers truth until the whole story becomes alive again.

Love fights.

Love stays.

Love waits.

And that’s what makes the bleeding stop.

Sometimes we are lucky enough to find souls who know how to love like ours. I’m convinced those souls are some of the most beautiful we will ever have the privilege to know. Be gentle with these ones, they are some type of different but similar form of you.

Love them well because if you really looked you would see that they need you too, maybe as much as you need them.

And just like that, the bleeding slows. Because of them.