Healing from Abuse: Part 1

I can’t tell you the number of times I someone had told me that because we had kids, there was going to be an endless battle with the man I once called my husband. I’m sure no one meant any harm by it but all I could hear over and over again was that because this man made the choices he made, my kids and I were sentenced to 18 years of this war.

Now this post isn’t about custody, it’s about healing but I’ve realized that in order for me to heal and be my best self I had to believe in a different version of the story. I had to believe in the version of the story where my kids are safe, where I could get my life back…a story where the trauma ended and I could begin again. This is the story that I am writing and I have never seen God fail me. I believe in a God that is an advocate for life for his children, he wants to see them laugh in joy, he wants to see them healed from childhood abuse, he wants to see generational trauma cycles broken. That’s my God. And that’s the faith that I stand on.

I share this because the alternative is to believe that the fight once you get out will last far longer than we want, and truly why entertain that level of hopelessness? Sure, I get it some people call it “reality” and that to not face that is foolish. I would disagree, I would say that they don’t understand the size and vast power of MY God.

You see healing it’s a solo endeavor, healing is a community event. As you heal, you will start to share that healing and bring restored mindsets everywhere you go. God doesn’t cause abuse but he can turn that trauma into a beautiful triumph and that triumph turns into testimony.

So as we begin to start this healing journey, I am going to ask you one question: “What is God’s story for your life?”

Sounds very Sunday schoolish right? Let me say it like this. I can tell you that my kids are going to be safe. I can tell you that I can laugh again, I can tell you that God will redeem everything that was broken. I don’t say this because I have full faith in my ability to do all those things, I say this because I know a God that I have full faith to turn every pain into a healed place so brilliant joy can’t help but abound …AND happy days are attracted to joy like that. There is my part to this healing journey but the first step is to have a mindset of faith, a mindset that says I know my God is Good and he is Good to me.

I remember about a year out of my abusive marriage, our divorce was just about finalized and the gravity of pain was setting in. I knew I served a good God, though life at that point didn’t feel good. I was alone with a toddler, a newborn, making less than anyone could survive on and we needed to find a place to live, not to mention the massive amount of attorney fees, or nearly liquidating every form of savings I had…. I still remember facing the reality that my heart wasn’t sure that it believed that God wanted to be good to me because everything looked so dark.

Mindset:
1. A mental attitude or inclination 2. A fixed state of mind*

Merriam – Webster

The next few months would be a turning point for me, but nonetheless through a series of times where I became intimately acquainted with the walls that seemed to be at every turn I would find that God was ready, every step of every moment to do the things I couldn’t. Then something started to happen, I started to realize that my story was harboring miracles. I was able to look back and see that God did all the things I couldn’t do just because he loved me and my kids. It worked like fuel. Because as the story progressed and the fight has continued God’s stage has just grown. At this point, I can talk about my story with God at the center, because I know that he won’t fail.

He is father and he is so good. But only once my mindset changed to believe that God was for me, did my faith begin to grow, from this faith I could take on every new obstacle that was presented and see God in the story.