Getting Out: Freedom is on the other side of these 3 things.

Hello! If you have not checked out The Journey Out of Abuse: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3, I encourage you to read those as well. But if you are here and you’ve done the hard work to determine that leaving is the best option yet you just can’t bring yourself to do it, then this is for you.

First, don’t shame yourself. You’ll likely find out later how much abuse you are actually in right now. I say that because even when we know it’s abuse, it’s not until we get out that we realize how deeply rooted the abuse went into our souls. Give yourself grace.

Second, compartmentalize. What I mean by that is that you have to find a way to separate action and feeling in your mind. You can imagine yourself putting all the feelings into a box, closing the box and sealing it. Tell yourself that the feelings are safe there but that they don’t need to be felt right now, because they will only distract you. Lastly, remind your heart that you will come back to that part of it and sort through those feelings when you are safe.

Now, once you have compartmentalized your thoughts you can move deeper in to finding out why you are so hesitant to leave. Is it fear? Is it because you don’t feel like you have a plan? Do you worry if you can make it financially? Sometimes these thoughts are an indicator to build up more finances before you go, or maybe to set yourself up with a more detailed plan so you feel sure of what to do next.

I often say that women leave domestic abuse for one of two reasons:

Strategy or Tragedy.

Sometimes it can even be a mix, for me that exactly how it was when I left. I knew I needed to leave so I did the hard work to have a strategy, however tragedy also came. I am forever grateful that I was ready.

However if you find that your biggest hinderance to leaving is facing the fear of what will happen when you walk away, I’ve found these 3 things to be true.

In my story, freedom has always been on the other side of my faith, my mindset and my discipline.

1. Your Faith

The first and foremost deciding factor in my story I would attribute to faith, the belief that God was going to show up where I couldn’t. I found time and time again that I could only plan, think and do to a certain point. My plan could only be so detailed without knowing the future. My thoughts could only be so determined before I had to recognize that there were other forces in my story than just me. And my determination only went as far as I could humanly control, otherwise the rest I had to surrender to God BUT also choose to believe that God was going to do what I couldn’t. I found out first hand the difference between believing God is powerful and God is powerful FOR ME. That God not only can move in my life but that he WANTS to and he WILL move for me and my kids.

Once I started to embody that faith my mindset began to shift.

2. Your Mindset

The reality is that your faith will determine your mindset. Read that again, your faith will determine your mindset. The core pillars of our thought life must be centered on how big God is, because if they aren’t then are mindset will never be able to guide us appropriately.

For example, it is a core belief for me that God is for me. Therefore, when custody trials happened or I was waiting on the courts for other decisions, I could rest on the fact that God will not put my kids in danger. Period. It is also a core belief for me to act from faith, so when others would choose to have a more doubt filled perspective when I was relying on faith…. I would confidently address their doubt as the unbelief that it was. Then I would continue to stand on my faith that God will protect my kids. And I have never seen God fail.

Here’s the catch about mindset, your mindset is only as strong as you are disciplined.

3. Your Discipline

I grew up with the concept that it doesn’t matter what someone’s intentions are in the end it matters what they do. You can say you have the greatest faith, that you are ready to rely on God for everything but until you are ready to move and trust that God will come through… the belief is just words. Disciple is what turns mindset into action. Disciple is what enables faith because once you are willing to act on this belief that the God of everything is on your side, you become a force to be reckoned with. You take the words of faith you hid in your heart and you turn them into pillars in your mind, once you have a faith filled mindset then you discipline yourself to act according to that mindset.

I truly believe that the kingdom of heaven is waiting for women to act on their faith, and with heaven behind you, and God for you… fear has no place unless you allow it. My advice, you’ve lived in fear long enough, let it go. Have courage. You’ll be okay. God won’t fail you.